Black Sheep Brainchild

When I say “I am not feeling amazing” – that means I am feeling like shit – probably puking or other stomach issues, unable to leave the bathroom. Or maybe I simply could not get out of bed – unable to move under the crushing weight of the world.

When I say “I am here” in response to you asking how I am – that means I made it out of bed this morning and won that battle so far today.

When I say “fine” when you ask how I am – I made it there and am functioning – and that’s about all I have.

When I say “good” I must be feeling fantastic.

When you ask how my day went and I simply shake my head – it was not good and I can’t talk at the moment.

When you ask how it went and I nod yes – things went okay but I am non-verbal for a bit as I decompress.

When I answer your question of how things went with words, I must have a story to tell.

Why are things so complicated? Why can’t I just be open about it? 

When we are messaging and you suddenly ask if everything is going okay – I know you hear my heart crying out and cherish the genuine love I experience with you. You read my soul.